It's a beautiful saturday lunchtime in mid-October, candy blue sky, golden light on the last of the roses. There's nothing left to do in the vegetable gardening but weeding, because I didn't plan ahead for a winter supply, kale, hardy salads and the like. Since I'm putting off the weeding to the afternoon, I'm inside with a heap of my favourite cookery books. I haven't opened some of them for quite a while. That's because the devoted foodie in me hasn't been given much liberty to enjoy herself.
Confession- I used to be a cheese snob. Blue goat's cheese, Cornish yarg, real Roquefort, dulse-spiked cheddar. Unfortunately it's off the menu, even if I wasn't vegan, because I finally got my milk allergy test done, and it was positive. This makes sense, because I had a Starbuck's milk poisoning a while back, a few sips of what was supposed to be a soy misto, and I thought I was getting the cold.
There's nothing like IBS and pancreatitis to kill your desire to eat. And yet I love food, or at least I did, and I want to get that back. Noticing my neglected cookbooks on the shelf when I was packing my Floradix, brown rice miso, rice and nori to stay at my parent's for the weekend, I thought, what? I realised I have stopped eating food because I love it, and more because it won't give me pain. Granted, I still eat hummus and dark chocolate, and all manner of fruit and vegetables. But something must have gone wrong when I opened the miso jar (I hate the smell) instead of a Nigel Slater cookbook. So along with all my socially exclusive foods, I packed six of my favourite cookbooks. I mightn't make anything, although I brought them to find something to make for my mum, as it's her birthday today. However, I reckoned I definitely needed a break from poring over nutrition books. I need to let the foodie out, and begin to enjoy eating again. I'm sick of functional eating, because no-one wants to join in, it's lonely. And that only stresses me out more. I know I posted an IBS management strategy this week, but I'm beginning to wonder if switching the emphasis to enjoyment might help (getting plenty of fluids, exercise and taking a probiotic won't interfere with that I think). It's high time I started reading my cookbooks, making tasty winter dishes in my Le Creuset, baking cakes and visiting my local farmer's market more often- even if that means catching myself looking longingly at the cheese stall...